Jokes

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. 

Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 

If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer...

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. 

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the beer.