Questions 4
Answers 736


I’d say:

Along with your cute math, why don’t you explain your logic? 


I’d say:

Your detective skills suck, Detective.  I know because I went to detective school where I graduated with a “D minus.”  They taught me to keep two loaded magnums in my purse. One loaded with booze and the other with bullets.  That’s why I have five slugs in me: four are bourbon and one is a .44.


The minus on the “D” came from breaking a cardinal rule: never mix your booze with bullets.  I was lucky it was only a minus: others have had to do “Hail Marys” for breaking cardinal rules. they were really F'd.  Even with my “D minus” I’m an OK private eye. I get a couple of cases a month and they pay a couple of monthly bills –one from my probation officer and the other from my bookie.   


When I socialize with my fellow chimps, it’s a banana daiquiri, when I’m on a case, it’s a bourbon on the rocks.  I’m on my sixth case now; I solved and finished the last five cases. Every bottle that isn’t broken is polished and displayed on my trophy shelf. These trophies are part of my pride, but not my joy –empty bottles always seem to lack joy.


This morning, while enjoying the quiet night watches with Bogart, my cat, someone kicked my door open and barged in. It was a wanabe detective.  He needed certification for his private díck license. He presented his credentials and the paperwork for his current case. He started to show my his private díck, but I told him to zip it.  I thought this might be a hard case, but as poor as I am at math, a quick perusal still told me all I needed to know. 


I asked him, “Did you take a harsh laxative today?” He took too long to answer, so I continued, “I’d say: you did.  Unless you have a better reason for this cráp that makes you look like a third-rate mathematician and a fourth-rate detective.”


My cat and I are still waiting for his reply.   . . . 

Aug 11, 2016


If you were really a good Detective then you’d know the “S” in AoPS stands for “Solving.”  Millie solved the problem of learning complex mathematics by coming here. In no way is she “cheating” by doing this.  


Millie is very intelligent. Here is a very rare compliment from our resident troll, Nauseated.


The compliment is sincere. Believe me, Naus doesn’t need to compliment someone to troll someone else. Most everyone on here will know that.


When this was posted, Millie was in 7th grade. I remember when I was in 7th grade, I didn’t even know what a combination was, but I could make change for a dollar, or a Euro, and sometimes a British Pound.   At least as long as my calculator had a good battery, I was on the money.  I was very proud of my skill.indecision

Aug 11, 2016

I’m missing the link that frames the dialogue’s perspective. 


Here’s the missing link: (We chimps are exceptional at finding missing links)


Lancelot and I were going to append this dialogue to the post because of its double entendre humor, but our real world obligations delayed us until the post was too old and stale.  

Aug 10, 2016