Good afternoon Ms.********,
Yesterday I got my English paper back, and I wasn't really happy with my grade. I think I still have room for improvement if I can get a second chance, so I was wondering if there is a retake possibility? I'm sorry for any inconvenience this can cause you! Thank you!
(don't worry I didn't actually write ISmellGood for my name)
(also usually they give us retake possibilities but I just wanna sound extra polite
It sounds like a very well thought out letter to your teacher. I do have one correction to make it sound a bit better.
After "Yesterday I got my English paper back," you should write " and I was disappointed with my grade."
But other than that it sounds great!