+1316 A Christmas Story from Dragonlance’s Journal.
Christmas 2014. Santa’s SOL list.
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Last Christmas I do a joke on my sister. She turn 7 a month before and she still believe in Santa. I thought to take out the goodies and little toys and put charcoal in her stocking before she get up on Christmas day. I think about this and decide she might still be sad even after I tell her it is a joke so I not do that.
Instead I put charcoal in my own stocking with a note from Santa that say why I get coal. Marisol know I not get presents from Santa anymore because I am too old, but he still put things in my stocking and my dad and mom’s stockings too. Marisol know Santa give coal to naughty kids but she never know anyone who ever got it.
On Christmas morning I hide and watch her run out before anyone else is up and take her stocking down. Then she see my stocking full of coal. Her mouth was wide open and she not believe what she see. She was more interested in this than her own stocking. I dieing from laughing and dieing more because I have to keep quiet. After a minute or so I come out and Marisol points to my stocking and she say look! I act surprised and say “Santa give me coal? I wonder why he do that?”
Marisol say there is a envelope there and she want to know what was in it. I make a big show of opening it and look at what the note then I say with pain and grief that “Santa put me on his SOL list.” She want to know what SOL is so I tell her it is Elf language for the naughty list.
She nod her head and look amazed and she say she not know anyone who get a letter from Santa befor. I tell her that Santa always explain why he give someone coal. She want me to read the letter. So I read it to her.
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Dear Lance
You were on the naughty list too long this year and couldn’t do enough good things to make up for it.
Here are some of the naughty things you did.
Putting a Mentos in Amber’s diet coke so that it sprayed all over her and the kitchen. (Amber still say she will get revenge someday).
Putting itching power down Derik’s back during church. (Some thought he had a evil spirit. hahaha).
Putting a fake giant rat in your mom’s garden. (I was not there when she find it but I sure hear about it).
Frying up piglet snouts with the bacon and serving it to your mom and Marisol. (My mom and Marisol gave theirs to me. I like them). Marisol scrunched up her nose when I read this one. hahaha
Playing a CD of bones crunching and a yelping dog in Charlotte’s car so she think she run over the neighbor’s dog. (This one was really funny. Charlotte is Amber’s sister. She swear revenge on me too).
Sneaking your dad’s pipe and smoking it. (That made me sick).
Chasing Caroline and Margret with a big toad. (They needed the exercise).
Putting Marisol’s doll on the high mantel. (This was real funny and I wrote a whole story about it in my journal).
Hopefully next year you will be on my good list again. If not I have lots of coal.
Sincerely yours, Santa
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After I finish reading the list Marisol say, “Oh I guess you were naughty. But you not do all those things this year. It was funny when you put Ann on the mantel and I bite you for that.”
I tell Marisol that some things are bad enough to keep you on the naughty list for more than a year. “Anyway it’s not too bad. I have some coal and I can use it to make some hamburgers, hotdogs, and piglet snouts. I say to her, "I think I cook up some piglet snouts for breakfast.”
After I say that, Marisol say yuck and she not want any piglet snouts. Then she say I can have some of her candy and play with her toys. I not surprised Marisol do that. She is polite and she love her big brother. :)
When mom and dad came out Marisol tell them Santa put coal in Lance’s stocking. They have a blank look of W TF on their faces, then she show them the letter. While they read it they have the same look as Marisol did when she first see the coal in my stocking. I think they just going along with the joke. But some of it was what they were reading.
My mom ask me, “You put itching powder down Derik’s back during church? When did you do that?” I tell her it was during prayer when everyone have their eyes closed and not see me. Then she say, “I mean how long ago. Was that why he was slithering on the floor like a snake?” I nod and say yes. Then she ask me why I would do that. I say “Because he is 6 months older than me and he still act like a 6 year old cry baby.”
My dad close his eyes and nod his head and say “That’s true he do.” I want to laugh but I know better when my mom is scolding me. My mom give him her look and mostly ignore him. “That’s not a good reason Lance. Half the church thought he was possessed. Did you think that would help him? I want a better reason!”
I give a smartbutt answer. I say “I think when he start scratching his back on the floor there is one person who really know why he is doing that. Besides he is possessed and I was close to him so the devil make me do it.”
My smartbutt answers usually get me in bigger trouble but not too much this time. My dad start to laugh and my mom do too. Then Marisol join in she not really know why everyone is laughing but she love it when we do. My mom say we talk about this later. I think OK I can hardly wait. I not say it though. I not that dumb.
Marisol ask me what I learn. She ask that because all her home school teachers ask that after every lesson. God I still hear that in my sleep from when I was in home school. I tell her “I learn that when you get on Santa’s naughty list he will squeal on you too.” Marisol nod her head then go back to playing with her toys.
I say “I’m going out to light up the grill with Santa’s coal. Marisol want piglet snouts for breakfast.” “No I don’t!” she yell. I not convince her to try it even though I say they will be good because of Santa’s coal. I really was going out to grill steaks for breakfast. Then my dad say “Wait a minute. How much of my tobacco did you smoke?” I say “Only enough to make me sick.” He nod and say “You aren’t supposed to inhale it you know?” I answer “I figure that out after three puffs.” Then he say “We’ll talk about that later too.” Oh boy I think. I really on the SOL list this Christmas.
One more thing. I give my dad sampler packs of pipe tobacco as a Christmas present but I put from Santa on the name tag. You have to be over 18 to buy these so dad and mom wonder how I get it. They not ask because they know I’d say it was from Santa. I think they figure it out though. They are not dumb either. :)
+1316 You’re right CPhill that’s true. It really is SIL for Hero :)
Marisol see my present from Santa under the tree and she was real excited about it because she think it mean I not on his naughty SOL list anymore. She was real disappointed when she saw the manure (Hero’s contribution) and the note from Santa telling me I’m not quite off the SOL list. The note also say “I give you this manure to let you know that Hero is not on my SOL list and I’ll be bringing a girlfriend for him next year.” Marisol is happy. She think they will have babies. :)
My uncle is getting more mules next year and I hope at least one is a girl else I’ll have to tell Marisol that Hero is gay. Hahahah
My mom and dad will not think that is funny at all. hahahaha
Amber ask me if I will do the SOL joke again next year. I tell her probably not because it would be like beating a dead horse. :)
+118673 Thanks Lance, you have provided us with wonderful entertainment this evening.
That story was really sweet and really funny. 
What a fabulous Christmas present for all of us on the web2 forum.
That is your story from 2014. What is your story from 2015 going to be ???
I hope we get many more stories from you. 
+11912 Wow!did you lance seriously did that?
i thought you were an innocent kid,,,,,and look at you, you also wrote all your naughty things on that paper. i thought they'd be fake. i loved the dog one and every one thinking that it was some devilish thing in him. wow this shows how educate people start believing supernatural things so fast.
nice post.
btw what did you get as a Christmas gift?there might be something i suppose?
+1316 Thank you Melody. I not write this year’s Christmas stories yet I usually do it after the new year. I have another one from 2 years ago. Really I have two more. The other one is from last year and is partly Marisol’s birthday and partly Christmas time stories. It is a long narrative and it not make any sence if I not pos the whole thing. I post the short one first.
Hi Rosala Yeah I plenty naughty sometimes. :)
Ever since I do the dog joke on Charlotte she check under her car almost every time before she drive it.
I not open my presents yet. I know what Santa give me this year. It is a nicely wrapped box of horse manure with a message from Santa that say I still on his SOL list. hahaha
Yeah I know what you mean about the supernatural things. I really not know why full grown adults believe these things. Sometimes I feel like I live in the dark ages. It get so old and tiring hearing this BS all the time. I figure out Santa is not real before I was 6 and I figure out the religion is not real before I was 12. I guess some do and some don't. :/
What a nice Christmas story. That will become part of your family’s Christmas stories, the kind your children and grandchildren will want to hear again and again. How did you learn to write like this?
When are you going to post your story about putting Marisol’s doll on the mantel?
You don’t believe in God? I would think you would because your family seems so happy and ideal.
Are you treated differently by your family or other church members because of this? My family is very religious and I don’t know how they would act If I said I didn’t believe in God anymore.
+1316 You’re right CPhill that’s true. It really is SIL for Hero :)
Marisol see my present from Santa under the tree and she was real excited about it because she think it mean I not on his naughty SOL list anymore. She was real disappointed when she saw the manure (Hero’s contribution) and the note from Santa telling me I’m not quite off the SOL list. The note also say “I give you this manure to let you know that Hero is not on my SOL list and I’ll be bringing a girlfriend for him next year.” Marisol is happy. She think they will have babies. :)
My uncle is getting more mules next year and I hope at least one is a girl else I’ll have to tell Marisol that Hero is gay. Hahahah
My mom and dad will not think that is funny at all. hahahaha
Amber ask me if I will do the SOL joke again next year. I tell her probably not because it would be like beating a dead horse. :)
+1316 When are you going to post your story about putting Marisol’s doll on the mantel?
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Hi Guest
I probably post it this week.
You don’t believe in God? I would think you would because your family seems so happy and ideal. Are you treated differently by your family or other church members because of this?
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Posts about religion are usually deleted. I not know if this post really fit the religion category. I guess I find out. If you make a account I can explain more if you want by message.
It’s not that I think god do not exist. A god might exist but we not anywhere advanced enough to understand this kind of being who can make a universe. Can a bug understand a human? We only just start to understand a small speck of the world and universe and most who teach about the god who make all this not even know basic science or math. They teach from writings that are thousands of years old back when people not know what a germ is or gravity and think there is only 4 elements. They also think the Earth is the center of the universe and until about 300 years ago they might burn you at the stake if you say it is not.
You know they not even know what a zero was back then. Sir CPhill is on a quest to find the roman zero. The god Zeus told him it was in Sisyphus bolder. Hahaha That is part of the legend of web2.0calc’s Camelot. The Camelot posts are a lot of fun. You should come and join in those and the math posts too.
I am treated differently because I believe differently, but I not treated bad or anything. The church believe in free will and a lot of people have different ways of believing, but I am the only agnostic. I think they mostly admire my honesty. A few might look down on me but if it wasn’t for that reason it would be something else. People are people no matter where they are.
There was one thing they not like. This is from my journal and it was then when everyone find out I was not a believer anymore. To me it was just a fun joke but it was like throwing rocks at a hornet’s nest. hahaha
Dragonlance’s Journal stories.
Santa Clause is coming to the Manger.
When I was 12 I make up a Christmas story of where Santa Clause come from for the kids in children’s church. The regular teacher was helping with the Christmas pageant and left Amber and me in charge. I tell them a story about how thousands of years ago that Jesus got pissed at Santa Claus and kick him out of heaven. Well Santa Claus decide he like to get back in so he get the idea to give presents to Jesus after he is born on Earth.
Though Jesus was now a baby he was still pissed and not want presents from Santa. So Santa decide to make the best of the situation and he give all the presents to other children who like them plenty and they still like Santa even after they grow up and not get presents any more.
I also tell them they not hear it before because this story is secret and a lot of people don’t like it because they not want anyone to know that baby Jesus not want a gift from someone. But I tell them he was a baby and babies are sometimes fussy so that explain why. It is not a bad thing it is just a baby being a baby. I tell them to keep this story a secret because it might upset some people. But it not take two days for me to hear about it.
Amber hear this story when I tell it and she think it is funny but she say I might go tohell for telling the children this story. So far that not happen but I did get in big trouble for doing it. Mostly from my mom but some from my dad even though he think it was funny too. The church elders want me to tell the children the truth else they act like they going to put me in a stocking and roast my chestnuts on a open fire while they sing Here Comes Santa Clause. hahaha
I tell the children the elders are upset about the story and want me to tell you it is not true. I remind them the story was secret and would upset some people if they hear about it, and said some of you blabber mouths told the secret and upset everyone who not like this story. So you need to learn to keep secrets else Santa will put you on his naughty list.
The elders not like the way I tell them the truth and they tell the children it was not true and Santa Clause is not real. That was a big mistake and some of the children start to cry. I say oh yes he is. He bring presents every year. If he is not real who bring those presents? Some of the kids know and say it is mom and dad who bring them. I say that is because you don’t believe in Santa and he not give presents to children who not believe in him so your mom and dad put his name on the present so you not feel left out.
Anyway I was not allowed to help in children’s church anymore. The kids miss me though and want me back. Some also tell me they wont blab any more. Hahaha
Hi Dragonlance,
I do have an account on here -- I’m GingerAle. The new forum kicks me off as soon as I log in. I don’t know why. 
Maybe it doesn’t like ginger ale. 
I have read about CPhill and his quest for the Roman Zero. I’m sure someday he will find it.
I’ve read about his fine art of coconut chopping too
Your life seems very interesting –you seem very interesting.
Your children’s church story reminds me of funny stories from when I was in Sunday school and church. I think if I went to church with you I would never forget you. I would remember you with a lifetime of laughter. I will anyway. 
I'm looking forward to your next story posting.
Take care, Lance.
If I get my account working again, I’ll send you a message.
